1986, the year my mother had the courage to leave my father and give us a better life....

I held on to her tight today and said goodbye.
As I held her I really felt overwhelmed with the love I feel outpouring for her. I thought about the fact that the goodbyes never get easier. I thought about today that each goodbye we say is closer to the last. I think about these things a lot because of my work. I thought about how much I love her. I gave thanks in that little moment that I am opening up and learning to love who she is and throw away the other garbage. I have a secret pile of tissues laying here at my feet under my desk. I squeeze out a few tears in between people come in and out of the office. We never get too old to need to feel our mother’s warmth. I miss her. It's hard living so far away, but I know with my heart this is right where I am suppose to be. Seeing her love and joy cover the children makes my soul rejoice. I secretly hope someday I will have the honor and opportunity of caring for my aged parents. I wish I could ease my mother’s pain. I feel sad to know she is tormented so much by the past. I am grateful for the clarity that has come into my life. I am grateful to have the ability to begin to help some of those things heal for her. She makes me happy, and sad, and mixed up sort of. Understanding her can be difficult. Understanding and coming to terms with all of this helps me to be more prepared to give unconditionally of myself to all those around me.

I want her to know everything is okay.